How to Develop High Emotional Intelligence

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How to Develop High Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and handle their feelings and others / Photo by Ion Chiosea El via


Emotional intelligence (EI) is an individual's ability to recognize and handle their feelings and of others, also known as Emotional Quotient (EQ), as defined by Skills You Need.  John Mayer, a Professor of Psychology of New Hampshire, says that it is the ability to figure out emotions and information about them as well as the capability of emotions to improve thoughts.


Elements of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence has two main aspects: Personal and  Social Skills and Competencies

Personal Skills and Competencies

The three parts of personal skills and competencies are self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-motivation.

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand one’s emotions as they happen and how they change. It is a mistake to think of emotions as positive or negative. Instead, one should determine whether it is right or wrong.

For instance, most people would view anger as a negative emotion. Yet, in some specific situations, it can be rational and justifiable to feel angry. In acquiring emotional intelligence, an individual can easily point out their anger and realize what made them angry. Being able to effectively examine one’s feelings and emotions can aid in boosting their self-esteem and confidence.

2. Self-regulation

Self-regulation or self-management involves being trustworthy, innovative, and being able to control oneself. The ability to self-regulate is associated with the emotions that are being felt at a particular time or in a given situation and how well they are dealt with. This may be centered on self-discipline, but this is also linked to a person’s actions. The way a person acts in a certain situation may be perceived as good or not.

3. Self-motivation

Under self-motivation are persistence in developing themselves and achieving goals, ability to stick to goals, being prepared to respond to opportunities, being optimistic and being resilient. Not only should a person be able to motivate themselves, but they should also improve their time management skills. Self-motivation and time management are the basis of this. They should also not set impossible expectations for themselves. They must also learn to assert themselves and not always give in to other people’s requests.



Social or Interpersonal Skills or Competencies

Interpersonal skills are the skills used in communicating with other people. These skills make people communicate well and develop stronger, meaningful relationships.


Empathy is the sensitivity to one’s own needs and feelings as well as of other people’s both individually and in groups. It is the ability to see things from someone else’s perspective. It helps others better understand the position of other people. It includes the understanding of others, the development of others, service orientation, exploitation and political awareness of diversity.

It is often difficult to attain. One must learn to watch out for verbal and non-verbal cues of others and other physical manifestations of emotions. Questions are a great way of helping an individual know more about other people and comprehend what they feel. It also makes it clear if a person was able correctly able to interpret their feelings. They should be able to recognize and respect other people’s emotions, even though they may not always agree with them. They must also refrain from making remarks that are critical, insulting, dismissive and disrespectful.

Social skills

Social skills include extensive interpersonal and interpersonal skills. These are from leadership to influence and motivation, management and coordination. This covers a wide range of skills which often stem from self-esteem and self-reliance. When a person strengthens their social skills, they become more charming and appealing to other people. Someone who has good social skills is approachable, generous and trustworthy, and listens to others well.


Empathy is the ability to see things from someone else's perspective, to better understand the other person's position / Photo by Dmitriy Shironosov via


Steps in Developing High Emotional Intelligence states that there are three steps to developing high emotional intelligence, which are:

1. Recognizing emotions

Individuals should be able to accurately tell how they feel and what prompts them to feel that way. They may think about what they feel in various circumstances, if receiving criticism makes them feel offended, if they feel lonely when people do not notice them and if they shut down when they are pushed into a corner.

2. Analyze feelings

After a person has a better grasp of their reactions to different life situations, they have to be able to interpret them. People are advised to think about how they deal with people when they get angry, what they think about their responses in their angry state and what caused them to be angry in the first place. They should not be hard on themselves and think they are stupid for having those emotions.

3. Handle emotions

A person must learn how to establish their internal mood. They may do this by identifying if they can break out of a sad mood, if they can cheer themselves up and if they are able to calm themselves down when they get too excited. If they find that they are unable to, they should try to improve on those areas. They are the only ones with the capacity to regulate and deal with their emotions.

Being able to recognize one’s own emotions better means that they will also enhance their ability to identify the emotions of others.


Effects of Having High Emotional Intelligence

People who have high emotional intelligence can easily shape and maintain interpersonal relationships and "integrate" into group situations. They are also better at understanding their own psychological state, which involves being able to cope with and handle stress well which can reduce their risk of falling into depression.

Increasing one’s emotional intelligence is essential to the development of an individual’s personality. With a higher emotional intelligence, they will be able to become more interesting and attractive to others, as well as gain more satisfaction from their careers and relationships.




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